I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
