Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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