Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
40s are totally the cure
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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