If that was your dad, he is hot
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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