this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
