There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we have pet lesbian snakes
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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