Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
