Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
