Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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