Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
