No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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