there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
