did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
