You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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