Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
