I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
