At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize