Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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