I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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