Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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