my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
