Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I only lived at night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
