Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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