Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
