Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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