I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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