He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
