I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
