I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
