I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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