that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
