According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
