How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my shit smells like andre
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
