someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
