Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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