I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize