FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
