Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Duck Duck Cougar?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
