ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize