Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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