First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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