Sry I called you an 8
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
