i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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