New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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