Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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