Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
