I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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