If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
