I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
