I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
