I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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