It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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