I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
