i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize