I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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