Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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