I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Vodka?
Forever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize