So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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