so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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