New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk is a universal language darling
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
