um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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