Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
