took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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