Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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