No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
