I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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