i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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