I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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