just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
