Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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