was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
