after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
