that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
