He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
