She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
