I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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