I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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