Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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