and you said cock pushups were impossible
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just googled if crying burns calories
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
