First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ugly people sure do ruin things
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
