It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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