yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
