How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
