I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
