I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
