My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
