apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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