Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
