Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
soo... how was my night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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